What I Learned in a Week of Solo Parenting

Going into Father's Day with some big baby content. Plus recs for Sarah Wheeler on guy friends, Asher Perlman's book of cartoons, and Steve Hunt's historical trivia.

It’s Father’s Day weekend so I might as well give you an update on dad life. I’m trying my hardest to make sure this newsletter doesn’t become exclusively parenting or baby-focused because I know those are topics that can be difficult/upsetting for some people (and just boring to others). Rest assured that while I will periodically be writing about the topic since it’s a big part of my life now, I will also continue to cover topics like having a high schooler be my boss, my desperate quest to improve my Uber rating, or a stranger who nearly destroyed my house by taking a poop.

But for today, let’s talk baby stuff:

Mollie had a work event out of town this week so it was just me and the baby. The most immediate change that I noticed in attempting a week of solo parenting was that there was no one else to hold the baby. The first time I had to figure out how to put on my shoes and get out the door while simultaneously holding him was a logic puzzle that my brain struggled to solve. Then I remembered a piece of parenting advice one of the nurses had told me at the hospital when he was born: “No baby has ever fallen off the floor.”

Over the course of this week, our baby got to examine the floorboards in a much more intimate way that he ever had before. Putting on my shoes? Great opportunity for him to learn about wood grains. Have to run to the bathroom? What a perfect time to study the textural intricacies of a carpet. Realized I need to make another bottle? Let’s get you some front row tickets to Baseboards: The Musical.

When I wasn’t leaving my child on a safe, secure, medically-recommended surface, I was walking around with him, playing with him, feeding him, or cleaning up after him. Purely by the numbers though, it had to be 90% cleaning up. My solo parenting week coincided with him starting to explore and eat more solid foods. By “eat,” I mean I hand him a spoon full of mush and he inserts it directly into the fold in his chubby neck. Then I refill the spoon and he uses it to give himself a manicure. Third spoonful: applied to both cheeks. Fourth: directly onto the floor. And so on and so forth. I’m led to believe that some food did make it into his stomach. All I know is I was scrubbing clothes and chairs and the floor like never before. It was a full body workout.

The best parts of the week were just sitting and looking at each other. It’s amazing how incredible it is to do nothing with him. I just sit in a chair and he’s sitting with me. He looks at me. I look at him. He squeezes my finger. I squeeze his hand. He opens his mouth. I open my mouth. Twenty minutes go by and they’re somehow some of the best twenty minutes of my life but also all I did was say the word “jiggly” over and and over.

I’m also making it sound like I was with the baby 24/7 but that wasn’t the case. This was a week where I felt, even more acutely than ever before, how grateful I am that we have childcare and how ridiculous it is that high-quality, affordable childcare isn’t universally available. I’ve heard people describe having a baby as creating a “reverse weekend,” where you’re actually much more able to relax and be off when the kid is being taken care of and the weekends and holidays are instead full nonstop fires to be put out. We’re not quite there yet (I imagine once he’s mobile, breaks are going to be a lot fewer and farther between), but I do feel so lucky that I can know he’s in good hands and having fun while I get to take care of work or write or even just shower.

Tomorrow is my first Father’s Day as a father and I’ll tell you one thing that’s for sure: I have a lot more appreciation for what it means to be a parent. It requires a lot of energy and care and love. It also requires a shocking amount of laundry detergent and soap and very absorbent sponges and towels. It’s amazing and exhausting and frequently the source of a unidentifiable semi-liquid / goop on your arm that you only notice once you’re out in public.

I have a whole new understanding of what my parents did for me. I was going to say that I should have gotten my dad better Father’s Day gifts over the years, but he always asked for socks. And who were we to question his deepest desires? I’m glad I gave him the socks of his dreams several years in a row (Darn Tough Wool Hiking Socks). I probably could have written a more thoughtful card to go along with them though. I’ll try to tell him that this year. But first, I have to clean prunes off of the wall.

My projects and upcoming events:

LIVE IN SAN FRANCISCO: Wrong Answers Only at The Independent - Sunday, June 30th at 7 p.m. Join comedians Josh Sharp, Aparna Nancherla, Joanna Hausmann, and me for a hilarious night of laughing and learning about dark matter and the formation of the universe with Stanford’s Dr. Risa Wechsler. Details and tickets here

PODCAST: How to Be a Better Human (TED/PRX) - This week’s episode was one of the most fun to record that I can remember. Laurel Braitman and Wendy MacNaughton are both artists whose work I’ve long admired. They’re also very good friends with each other and constantly laughing and having a great time. It was a true delight to talk to them about writing, making art, and making mistakes, and figuring it all out. Listen to us talk about “art of paying attention” here (or wherever you get podcasts).

This week’s list

GREAT:

Sarah Wheeler wrote a piece in The Cut that has me thinking a lot about my friendships. I am who I am because of my friends. I try very hard to keep people who I care about in my life. But I feel the pressures that she’s writing about here, especially after having a kid. I have (and have had) a lot of close female friends. But it certainly takes effort and can be awkward. The older I get, the more important those friendships are and also the more difficult they can be to maintain. I’m going to be mulling this article over for a long time. Where Have All My Guy Friends Gone?

FUNNY:

Asher Perlman is an all-around funny person. He does all aspects of comedy exceptionally well. He performs with the Improvised Shakespeare Company, which is one of the funniest shows I’ve ever seen. We met at a non-Shakespearean improv show in Brooklyn and Asher won me over with his quick wit and his friendliness. But Asher’s not just a performer, he’s also an award-winning writer for Colbert and a cartoonist with a hilarious new book coming out this week: Well, This is Me

INTERESTING:

Steve Hunt’s trivia newsletter, Troyale, has long been a favorite of mine. But recently, he’s started doing deep dives on surprising topics and they are often mind-blowing. Did you know about the connection between Roald Dahl and James Bond? Or what Roald Dahl was asked to do for the British government? I certainly did not. I thought this guy was just out there writing Matilda. It turns out I didn’t know the half of it. Troyale on Roald Dahl 

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That's it for this week. Thanks for reading! Please share Bright Spots with anyone you think might enjoy it.

Washing out my neck folds,

Chris Duffy

This has been Bright Spots, a newsletter.

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…wait, who are you?

I'm Chris Duffy, a comedian, TV writer, podcast host, and both a former fifth grade teacher and a former fifth grade student. I’m currently writing a nonfiction book about humor for Doubleday.