How do you not lose yourself? How do babies produce this much drool? And so many more questions! Plus recs for Carley Moseley on birds, Conan on Hot Ones, and Alexandra Schwartz on baby-led weaning.
As an almost 40-something lady who has been happily partnered in a cis-hetero-potentially-childbearing relationship for 15 years, we have decided not to have children, and I really appreciate what you say about those decisions. I have finally, after the fear of potential regret, come to that place myself. We never know how our lives would be if we made different choices, and each live we choose brings immense joy and sorrow, and yes, certainly occasional grief over the mystery of the path not taken.
Speaking of ghosts, I’ve known a few babies myself and am convinced they do in fact see them.
I am a little bit older but, Ann said absolutely everything I wanted to say. (Weirdly I have also been in a cis-heteronormative possibly childbearing relationship for 15 years and we have chosen the same path) I will say that one of the silver linings of crossing over 40 is that family stop asking you about it! And I also agree with Ann that babies absolutely see ghosts.
Thanks for the respect for childfree people. I've always viewed it that parenting is really hard, so of course parents want to think not going down that route wasn't an option. Mind you, the hardness does also sort of indicate it's not for everybody
I 100% believe that babies see ghosts. I’m also still afraid of the dark and had to stop watching Stranger Things because I became convinced that the Demagorgan (sp?) was going to get me so take my opinion as you will.
Depending on your spirituality (or openness to it): one thing I’ve heard is that babies and young children, still fresh from “the other side,” can sense and remember things that most older people no longer do. From that perspective, it could be that yes, your kid is seeing something that you can’t see.
Also it could be that things that aren’t interesting to older people, to the point that they don’t register them at all, are captivating to babies. Is there a shadow on the wall? A spot of light? A plant? A tiny insect? FASCINATING.
100% babies see ghosts! When my son was a toddler I mentioned my grandparents (whom had both passed and he never met and I never referred to in front of him before) and he goes, "Oh, Tom and Lucy?" Ummm, say whaaaa? That was indeed their names. As for your other questions-- so many good ones! But the one about losing yourself and the parts you value-- I feel that so much. But here's what I discovered. They don't go away. In fact, they get supercharged by your desire to introduce your child to them! My husband bought hundreds of action figures before our son was born because he wanted to share his favorite hobby. I bought matching aprons and cookie cutters because they were on sale at Home Goods but also because I love to bake. You have to be careful though-- your overzealous fandom can very easily turn your kid off from it. They can smell you hunger. My son was the only kid the 4th grade who did NOT want to join the D&D club I started at this school. Sigh...
i love this: "Sometimes I am holding our baby and suddenly he looks off into space very intently. I follow his gaze and it’s just a blank wall. So like… what the heck is he looking at??? Is he seeing ghosts??"
i think he might be seeing pre-ghosts! ghosts are spirits of people who have already lived. he might be seeing spirits of people who are yet to be born! you know, the folks he was chilling with before HE was born. MAYBE!
As an almost 40-something lady who has been happily partnered in a cis-hetero-potentially-childbearing relationship for 15 years, we have decided not to have children, and I really appreciate what you say about those decisions. I have finally, after the fear of potential regret, come to that place myself. We never know how our lives would be if we made different choices, and each live we choose brings immense joy and sorrow, and yes, certainly occasional grief over the mystery of the path not taken.
Speaking of ghosts, I’ve known a few babies myself and am convinced they do in fact see them.
I am a little bit older but, Ann said absolutely everything I wanted to say. (Weirdly I have also been in a cis-heteronormative possibly childbearing relationship for 15 years and we have chosen the same path) I will say that one of the silver linings of crossing over 40 is that family stop asking you about it! And I also agree with Ann that babies absolutely see ghosts.
If there is one thing I am CERTAIN of, it's that you, Steph, are already living and will continue to live a great freaking life
I'm so glad this resonated with you, Ann! And I love what you wrote about the "occasional grief over the mystery of the path not taken"
Thanks for the respect for childfree people. I've always viewed it that parenting is really hard, so of course parents want to think not going down that route wasn't an option. Mind you, the hardness does also sort of indicate it's not for everybody
Great point!
Love this man!
I 100% believe that babies see ghosts. I’m also still afraid of the dark and had to stop watching Stranger Things because I became convinced that the Demagorgan (sp?) was going to get me so take my opinion as you will.
Oh I can't watch anything scary at all so even the idea of that thing is too much for me
Depending on your spirituality (or openness to it): one thing I’ve heard is that babies and young children, still fresh from “the other side,” can sense and remember things that most older people no longer do. From that perspective, it could be that yes, your kid is seeing something that you can’t see.
Also it could be that things that aren’t interesting to older people, to the point that they don’t register them at all, are captivating to babies. Is there a shadow on the wall? A spot of light? A plant? A tiny insect? FASCINATING.
Honestly both of these possibilities are fascinating and I love them both. Thank you!
100% babies see ghosts! When my son was a toddler I mentioned my grandparents (whom had both passed and he never met and I never referred to in front of him before) and he goes, "Oh, Tom and Lucy?" Ummm, say whaaaa? That was indeed their names. As for your other questions-- so many good ones! But the one about losing yourself and the parts you value-- I feel that so much. But here's what I discovered. They don't go away. In fact, they get supercharged by your desire to introduce your child to them! My husband bought hundreds of action figures before our son was born because he wanted to share his favorite hobby. I bought matching aprons and cookie cutters because they were on sale at Home Goods but also because I love to bake. You have to be careful though-- your overzealous fandom can very easily turn your kid off from it. They can smell you hunger. My son was the only kid the 4th grade who did NOT want to join the D&D club I started at this school. Sigh...
dear chris,
delightful as always!
i love this: "Sometimes I am holding our baby and suddenly he looks off into space very intently. I follow his gaze and it’s just a blank wall. So like… what the heck is he looking at??? Is he seeing ghosts??"
i think he might be seeing pre-ghosts! ghosts are spirits of people who have already lived. he might be seeing spirits of people who are yet to be born! you know, the folks he was chilling with before HE was born. MAYBE!
love you!
myq
WOAH
Or, as a pre-ghost would say, "OOB"
haha
I can only imagine! I already tell all expecting parents I know to do as many core exercises as they possibly can