Do Nothing and Then Panic: My Technique for Writing (and All Other Creative Work)
Behind the scenes of writing a book as a person who loves to procrastinate. Plus recs for thank calls with Joy Tactics, Marcello Hernández, and Jamaican Patois
As soon as I signed the contract and officially had a book deal, I knew I had a big problem: now I was going to have to write a book.
It’s not that I wasn’t excited about the idea. I was! I still am!1
It’s not that I don’t know how to write. I do! I’m doing it right now!
The problem is that I have a very particular method of getting myself to write. My technique, honed over years of practice, is to do nothing until the last possible moment and then panic.
While I’m not aware of any professional writers who endorse this method publicly, I know a huge amount who practice it privately.
But writing a book? I don’t think that’s the kind of thing I could do in one panicked burst. As a first time author, I shared my reservations with my editor. Luckily, he is a very generous and patient man. He told me that my full draft was due in July 2024 and I told him that, to me, that sounds like a problem for 2024 me. His eyes widened slightly, but only slightly, and he suggested that perhaps it might be prudent if we instead set intermediate deadlines.
That’s how I ended up owing a chapter each month, rather than the whole thing all at once. That’s also how, for the past four months, I’ve spent the first two weeks of every month gallivanting around, wild and carefree. Then the third week rolls around and a sense of dread sets in. How will I possibly get this done? In the third week, I spend a lot of time sitting in front of the computer. Sometimes I’ll do an interview or some research. But mostly I stare at an open document in MS Word (for some reason, the publishing industry is obsessed with the Microsoft product family. They will accept no alternatives).
When the final week of the month arrives, sweat starts to pour from my body. I’m in front of the computer, typing furiously, pausing only to hydrate and refuel. I’m an athlete pushing my body to its maximum capacity but the only parts of my body that move are my fingers on the keyboard. Finally, I finish the chapter draft and pass out, drained. I use the last of my energy to send the email to my editor and then I repeat the cycle anew.
Would I recommend this as a writing technique? Of course not.
Is it working? It seems to be.
Am I panicking about the fact that it’s about to be the final week in October? You better believe that I am.
My projects and upcoming events:
PODCAST: How to Be a Better Human (TED/PRX)- Roy Wood Jr, one of the greatest standup comedians working today, talked with me about how he uses humor to confront hard truths and why hosting the White House Correspondents Dinner was less stressful than most corporate gigs. Listen to the episode wherever you get podcasts.
LIVE IN NYC: WRONG ANSWERS ONLY (LabX)- Thursday, November 9th at Caveat. In this NYC show, we’re going to learn all about the science of swarms with three of NYC’s funniest comedians and NJIT’s Dr. Simon Garnier. Tickets and details here
This week’s list
GREAT:
The hosts of the Joy Tactics podcast take the format of a prank call and flip it on its head. I can’t explain why, but Joe Pera calling a random sporting goods store to say something nice is one of the best things I’ve seen in months. I love how immediately into it the woman who picks up is. I couldn’t stop cracking up every time she provided more details about the guy who works there. Thank Calls
FUNNY:
Marcello Hernández, one of the newer cast members on SNL, has a natural comfort on stage that you don’t normally see from comedians early in their career. But he seems to just be comfortable being himself and to be genuinely enjoying his time in the spotlight. It’s very fun to watch. This clip from his interview with Seth Meyers is a perfect example: Marcello Hernández knew Spanish better than the Spanish teacher
And here’s an excellent standup joke: Latin food is better.
INTERESTING:
“Long stigmatized with second-class status and often mis-characterized as a poorly structured form of English, Patois has its own distinct grammar and pronunciation. Linguists say Patois, which is also called Patwa, Creole or, simply, Jamaican, is about as different from English as English is from German. It features a dizzying array of words borrowed from African, European and Asian languages.” A Patois Revival
BONUS FOR PAYING SUBSCRIBERS:
Paying subscribers make Bright Spots possible! Subscribers get access to all posts in the archive as well as bonus features. They also get my undying gratitude (which never dies). It’s never too late to join them!
That's it for this week. Thanks for reading! Please share Bright Spots with anyone you think might enjoy it.
clever signoff to be written in the seconds before I send this email out,
Chris Duffy
This has been Bright Spots, a newsletter.
…wait, who are you?
I'm Chris Duffy, a comedian, TV writer, podcast host, and both a former fifth grade teacher and a former fifth grade student. I’m currently writing a nonfiction book about humor for Doubleday.
It’s a book about how to have a sense of humor and find more laughter in your life. Hopefully it’s equal parts funny and practical and interesting. That’s the plan!
dear chris,
delightful as always, thank you for sharing!
i particularly love and relate to THIS sentence/sentiment:
"I’m an athlete pushing my body to its maximum capacity but the only parts of my body that move are my fingers on the keyboard."
love from your keyboard athlete brother,
myq
Oh hi! Hello fellow procrastinator here 🙃, your description of the furious energetic typing kicked up my heart rate 🤣 I don’t feel so alone anymore in the procrastination world, so thanks! Can’t wait to read your book.