Time Is Either Moving Very Quickly Or Very Slowly Or Neither Or Both

I attempt to understand the theory of relativity by having a baby. Plus recs for Ernesto Morales' Object Solutions, Nathaniel Russell's fake fliers, and Rob Stephenson's journey into Pigtown.

This week, my sister-in-law asked me and Mollie if we felt like this time with our newborn baby was moving quickly or slowly. It’s a good question and I don’t feel like I have a good answer.

In some ways, having a baby has made me hyper-aware of time. It’s unbelievable how different our lives are now from how they were a year ago. And every day, I am on the lookout for change. Is it possible that he has outgrown yet another outfit? Is he more awake? Does it seem like he’s looking at us more intently? Is he smiling? Is he angry that he’s hiccuping? Does he still love looking at that lamp? Every day, every hour, life is getting rearranged and shifted and growing.

There’s that classic bit of parenting wisdom that “the days are long, but the years are short.”

At the moment, I feel more like “the days are long and also the days are short and sometimes they are both long and short at the same time and sometimes it feels like time doesn’t exist at all.”

Once, when Albert Einstein was asked to explain relativity, he said “Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.” That quote is pretty much the only thing I remember or have ever understood about physics. And it’s pretty good at summing up how this current moment feels to me. (I also have to add a caveat to Einstein’s point because I have had some excruciating conversations with good looking people that convinced me it’s frequently preferable to put your hand on a hot stove than try to talk for an extended time with a hot person. But it depends on the hot person!)

The good days fly by. The days where things are rolling along smoothly and the sun is shining and we’re taking a walk outside. The days when I have time to read and call a friend and do a little writing. The days where we can all take a nap and we’ve all gotten sleep. Those days fly by beautifully.

The tough minutes drag on and on. The baby is screaming but the burp won’t come out. We’re stuck in traffic and everybody is hungry and the person in the car in front of us doesn’t seem to understand how to make a left turn. It’s the middle of the night and I should be sleeping but I’m worried that he might be making a weird noise when he breathes. Those are seconds that set world records for length.

But it’s never been as clear cut as the good stuff going quickly and the bad stuff feeling interminable. Every time the baby smiles, it feels like time stops and the moment is immediately imprinted into my memory. And some of the unpleasant stuff moves at the speed of light. I’m not a fan of being covered in spit up, but having to mop the floor, make a new bottle, clean myself and the baby, and do the laundry, instantly vaporizes an afternoon.

All this was true long before I ever even considered becoming a parent. I remember taking standardized tests in high school and it would seem impossible how quickly time ran out on the math sections. Then, on some reading sections, I’d finish so early that I would just sit there, staring at the wall. That was when I discovered I had the ability to replay full Simpsons episodes word-for-word in my mind. (Note to past self: You probably could have spent more time doing your math homework and less time analyzing the character arc of Sideshow Bob, but ultimately you made the right choices for your future career).

Four years of high school and four years of college both seem so much longer, so much more significant, and so much more clearly defined in my memory than the next eight years of my life. I think I spent those years working a job? Eating pizza? I probably did laundry at some point?

But again, time is never that straightforward. I shared a bedroom with my brother for 16 years and I can’t remember a single night in as vivid detail as I remember my first night in the subletted apartment I stayed in for one week in Boston. I was just starting my teaching job and the stranger in the room next to mine was blasting vinyl records at 3 a.m. despite my pleas that I had to work in the morning. With crystal clarity, I remember that he slept sitting upright in an armchair (despite owning a bed) and the look in his eyes that made it immediately clear that nothing could come between him and his tunes.

Here I am, right now, in the midst of moments that will certainly stick around in my memory forever and also moments that are blurring together even as I write this email.

So yes, time is moving quickly. And yes, time is moving slowly. And also neither and also both.

Kurt Vonnegut said it best. “All time is all time. It does not change. It does not lend itself to warnings or explanations. It simply is. Take it moment by moment, and you will find that we are all, as I've said before, bugs in amber.”

My projects and upcoming events:

PODCAST: How to Be a Better Human (TED/PRX) - This week on the podcast, the incredible Bevy Smith talks about reinventing yourself at any age, pursuing your passions, and making your dreams become a reality. She’s a legend and was so much fun to talk to. Listen here (or wherever you get podcasts) NOTE: I’m still on parental leave, so these episodes were pre-recorded last year.

This week’s list

GREAT:

Object Solutions is the masterwork of Ernesto Morales, a designer and artist based in Austin. I have been a fan of Ernesto’s for a long time and I admire how he’s able to blend legitimately beautiful designs with a very funny and pointed take on technology and consumerism. In the past, Object Solutions created a full body moist towelette, a dryer that recycled lint back into new clothing, and a “rotisserie patio table” that slowly rotates so everyone gets the sun in their eyes equally. John Wilson (of HBO’s How To with John Wilson) collaborated with Ernesto on some of the early videos, and if you’re a fan of How To, I bet you’ll love Ernesto’s work too. The newest iteration of Object Solutions is playing with the current AI obsession and Ernesto’s building out a full immersive narrative on social media that’s so brilliant and hilarious. I can’t wait to see where he takes it. Join Forever Today

FUNNY:

Nathaniel Russell’s fake fliers are, to me, perfect comedy. They’re short, original jokes that make me laugh every time I think about them. But they’re also kind of profound in a ridiculous way? All I know is that I want to see more posters like these out in the world. My favorites are the poster for a dog that’s “the opposite of lost,” quiet please sign, and the found flier. Fake Fliers

(If you’re looking for more great comedy/art in the same vein, I also love pretty much everything I’ve ever seen from the British artist David Shrigley)

INTERESTING:

Despite having grown up in NYC and living there for many years as an adult, I had never even heard of the neighborhood named Pigtown until my friend Daniella sent me this wild newsletter about it and said “In my best Stefon impression, I tell you this story has everything -- and for some reason I thought you'd enjoy it!” OH WOW WAS SHE RIGHT! This has EVERYTHING and I loved it. Treat yourself to a story of pigs, New Yorkers, true crime, and several historical turns that made me gasp. Living High on the Hog in Pigtown

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That's it for this week. Thanks for reading! Please share Bright Spots with anyone you think might enjoy it.

A bug in amber,

Chris Duffy

This has been Bright Spots, a newsletter.

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…wait, who are you?

I'm Chris Duffy, a comedian, TV writer, podcast host, and both a former fifth grade teacher and a former fifth grade student. I’m currently writing a nonfiction book about humor for Doubleday.