I Am An Expert on Earthquake Survival

Nobody knows disaster prep better than a nervous transplant. Plus recs for Brett Martin's algorithmic investigation, Pardis Parker on wealth inequality, and Anya Kamenetz on "problem kids."

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A QUICK NOTE: Tickets just went on sale for my live shows in New York and LA. And the podcast was just nominated for a Webby Award, which is decided by public vote. We’re currently in second place behind… Michelle Obama. Please vote for us?

Ok, now onto the newsletter:

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An earthquake in New York! A thundershower in Los Angeles! The world is topsy-turvy, backwards, all shaken up.

So let’s talk disaster-preparedness. Because no one is better prepared than a nervous transplant living in a region with natural disasters different from those they grew up with. When I was living in NYC, the people most worried about planning for floods or terrorist attacks were people who grew up thousands of miles away from a possibility of either threat. As a native New Yorker, I moved to California and immediately panicked about earthquakes. My wife Mollie, who grew up in Seattle, was disturbingly nonchalant about the prospect.

“The ground could rip open underneath our feet!” I told her, as I stashed dehydrated meal kits into a duffel bag under our bed.

“It’ll probably just feel like a strong shaking,” she told me as she conspicuously did not help stuff the duffel bag.

Other places I have supplies stored include: in the trunk of our car, in the basement, in every closet, and by the front door. I have multiple caches of water bottles, headlamps, canned foods, and emergency clothing. I also have an envelope filled with small bills in case the electricity has gone out so we can’t make withdrawals, but society has not collapsed to the point where currency is worthless.

Writing this out, it occurs to me that I may be on the verge of becoming a prepper. At the very least, it’s probably a situation I should discuss with a therapist. But I comfort myself by saying, “Hey, it’s not like I have an underground bunker and a plan to escape all large urban areas when the shit hits the fan.”

My friend Ashley does though! Or, to be more precise, her mom has a bunker and a farm and a multi-step plan that involved Ashley escaping from New York City in an inflatable boat, meeting up with a farmer in New Jersey who owns a large truck, and then getting driven by that farmer to the rural bunker in exchange for him getting a spot in the bunker to ride out the apocalypse.

At one point, Ashley gave a presentation on how to survive to a group of friends at our Brooklyn apartment. Our discussion quickly got sidetracked by questions about how to identify people with the best chances of survival and mate with them. But before that, Ashley imparted a piece of extremely important practical advice that I have never forgotten and that, all kidding aside, I think everyone should implement.

Have a plan for where to meet your loved ones. If you can’t get in contact with them because the phones don’t work or the network is down, know where you’re going to meet up. And know how long you’ll wait there before checking for them at a second location (in case, for example, your home is in an inaccessible area). That is a very reasonable preparation that just requires one easy conversation! Even the least prepper among us can have a designated meetup place.

And then it makes it easier to have the bigger conversation about at what point do you dissolve your marriage and each try to use your physical charms to attach yourself to a person with hunting/gathering skills. I have told Mollie on multiple occasions that I’m certain I wouldn’t survive a week without WiFi, so if the electric grid goes out for more than three days, she’s allowed to leave me for dead and try to seduce a burly man who knows how to skin a deer and live in a cave.

But that’s just us! You do you.

My projects and upcoming events:

PODCAST: How to Be a Better Human (TED/PRX) - Connie Hockaday, artist, designer, and person trying to figure themselves out, is the guest this week on the podcast. Connie’s art is all about re-imagining spaces and ourselves. I loved talking to Connie about figuring out “what your thing is” and it being ok to not quite know yet. Listen here (or wherever you get podcasts)

LIVE IN LA: Wrong Answers Only at Dynasty Typewriter - Wednesday, May 1st at 7:30 pm. My first show back in LA post-parental leave! It’s going to be a hilarious night of science and comedy as comedians Aparna Nancherla, Rob Haze, Guy Branum and I learn all about the history, biology, and cultural implications of monsters from Dr. Emily Zarka. Tickets are only $5 for the in-person show (and you can also watch the livestream from anywhere in the world for free). Details here

LIVE IN NYC: Wrong Answers Only at Symphony Space - Thursday, May 23rd at 7 p.m. Our first time ever bringing the show to my favorite UWS venue! Join me, Josh Gondelman, Alison Leiby, and a surprise celebrity guest as we interview Dr. Jessica Ware, the head bug expert at the American Museum of Natural History. Details and tickets here

LIVE TALK: TED Conference 2024 - April 15-19, Vancouver. I’ll be giving a mainstage TED Talk at the conference this year. Info and details on attending here

This week’s list

GREAT:

“Matt Farley has released thousands of songs with the goal of producing a result to match nearly anything anybody could think to search for.” This is a story about a guy who makes hundreds of thousands of dollars a year with some of the most random music ever written. It’s also a story about how large tech companies and algorithmic recommendations are changing art. And it’s simultaneously a story about the eternal artistic conundrum of whether it’s better to be prolific or perfect. It’s a great read. Brett Martin tries to answer a seemingly simple question: Why Did This Guy Put a Song About Me on Spotify?

FUNNY:

Pardis Parker is a hilarious Canadian standup who did a set at TED that brought the house down. It takes a truly talented performer to get up in a room full of extremely rich people and crush with jokes about the worship of wealth and the backwards idea that having more money makes you a better person. Equal parts societal commentary and comedy masterclass, this was one of my favorite comedic performances I’ve ever seen. As I’m prepping for my own talk, I can only admire how true to himself Pardis stayed. I’m Terrified of Wanting to Be a Billionaire

INTERESTING:

Anya Kamenetz has consistently written some of the most important and revealing stories about education in America. She’s the kind of reporter who never settles for an easy answer and always situates an individual’s story in the broader social and historical picture. This piece is one that I’ve been thinking about all week. What happens when schools are not equipped to give kids the support they need? And what does it do to teachers, students, and parents when class is disrupted over and over again? It’s a tough story without easy answers. But there are no villains. When Your Kid Is the Classroom Problem Child

BONUS FOR PAYING SUBSCRIBERS:

Paying subscribers make Bright Spots possible! Subscribers get access to special features as well as all posts in the archive. This week’s bonus feature is a follow-up to last week’s story about losing at a different podcast awards. You may remember that I mentioned how the Getty Images photographer told me to PLEASE STOP what I was doing while posing. Well, paying subscribers can now see the images that resulted. They also get my undying gratitude (which never dies). It’s never too late to join them!

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading! Please share Bright Spots with anyone you think might enjoy it.

Thankfully still on WiFi,

Chris Duffy

This has been Bright Spots, a newsletter.

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…wait, who are you?

I'm Chris Duffy, a comedian, TV writer, podcast host, and both a former fifth grade teacher and a former fifth grade student. I’m currently writing a nonfiction book about humor for Doubleday.