Humiliation, Raw Onions, and the Secret to Creative Success

How two of the worst gigs of my career turned into my favorite memories. Plus Adam Grant, Dadasaur, and Heather Havrilesky

I had just moved back to New York City and I was producing my first comedy show.

I lined up a venue, a fancy Italian restaurant with a private room. I brought in a sound system and lights. I booked an incredible lineup of professional comedians. And I advertised the show all around town. But then, on the night of the show, no one showed up.

Actually, it was worse than no one showing up. The only two people who came to the restaurant were… my mom and dad.

I can’t imagine a more humiliating experience for a comedian. One by one, comedians I admired arrived. They thought they were coming to a gig. But when they got there, I had to tell them it was canceled and then introduce them to my parents.

Here’s the thing: it would have been a complete nightmare except that one of the comedians I booked was Jo Firestone. And when she showed up, she asked if she could stay and eat with us. So instead of a comedy show, I ended up having a delicious pasta dinner with Jo and my parents and laughing at the absurdity of the whole situation.

Almost a decade later, that still makes me laugh. It was the start of a beautiful friendship and a big lesson for me: what would be humiliating on your own can instead turn into a great story with a friend.

The biggest misconception people have about comedy is that you make it on your own.

Even if it seems like it’s just one person onstage with the microphone, the fact of the matter is that people succeed creatively because they’re part of a community. This isn’t just true of comedy. It’s true of all creative jobs.

Patti Smith wrote in Just Kids about how the New York punk scene of the 1970s led to all sorts of unexpected creative projects. Ernest Hemingway’s career only took off after moving to Paris and meeting Gertrude Stein, Ezra Pound, James Joyce, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, who helped him get his novels published by Scribner.

Brian Eno calls this “scenius.” I first learned about the term from Austin Kleon’s writing. Here’s what he had to say about it:

If you look back closely at history, many of the people who we think of as lone geniuses were actually part of “a whole scene of people who were supporting each other, looking at each other’s work, copying from each other, stealing ideas, and contributing ideas.” Scenius doesn’t take away from the achievements of those great individuals: it just acknowledges that good work isn’t created in a vacuum, and that creativity is always, in some sense, a collaboration, the result of a mind connected to other minds.

I’m certainly not trying to say that my comedy is genius by any means. But I can tell you that I would have quit a long time ago if it wasn’t for the community that I’ve gotten to be a part of. That’s made all the hiccups, frustrations, and setbacks not just tolerable but fun.

One time, several years back, Aparna Nancherla and I did a college show in the middle of nowhere. We got to the room where we were supposed to perform and there were five students in the room. Three of them were sitting on a sofa that was facing the opposite direction of the stage. None of them knew that there was a comedy show scheduled for that night.

Later, after Aparna and I suffered through our sets, we got back to our hotel and opened the “gift bag” the student booker had handed us. I think they were trying to give us an apple, but instead they had provided us with one large raw red onion. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed harder in my life than staring at that onion with Aparna and trying to figure out what the heck was happening.

Those moments, the absurd, the bizarre, the connecting with friends… to me, that’s what success as an artist really looks like. It’s being in it with other people.

I was talking about this yesterday when I met up with two Substack writers whose work I love: Michael Estrin of Situation Normal and Alex Dobrenko of Both Are True. We got lunch and talked newsletters and laughed and hung out.

Do I dream about my writing getting a bigger following? Of course. Do I feel jealous or competitive of people who seem to have more success? Absolutely. But would any level of success ever feel better than just talking shop and laughing with people who do the same thing I do? I don’t think so.

The only way you can improve on that is with a big bite of onion. And maybe a private table with your parents.

Upcoming Shows and Appearances

LOS ANGELES: Unprecedented Times - Sunday, May 7th at 7:00 p.m. at Upright Citizens Brigade. A night of unscripted comedy about unprecedented history! The audience picks a year at random. My friend Will, a brilliant middle school history teacher says everything he knows about that year off the top of his head. Then we turn it into an hour of hilarious improv. Tickets and details here

PODCAST: How to Be a Better Human (TED/PRX)- Chloe Cooper Jones, a philosopher and author, wrote one of my favorite books, Easy Beauty. This week on the podcast, we talked about her writing, how she experiences the world as a disabled person, and the difference between easy and difficult beauty. Listen to the conversation anywhere you get your podcasts. Link here

This week’s list

GREAT:

Adam Grant’s Give and Take is one of the books that I think about and reference the most. He’s an incredible writer who also fully embodies the spirit of his work. Is there a word that means the opposite of a hypocrite? A hypercrite? Someone who truly does practice what they preach? That’s what Adam is. Adam recently wrote this great reflection on what he’s learned in the decade since Give and Take first came out. The Most Meaningful Way to Succeed Is to Help Others Succeed

FUNNY:

Mollie and I have been very into the r/ContagiousLaughter subreddit lately. Listening to people laugh hysterically, you can’t help but lose it yourself. This one is particularly good. Longtime subscribers will know that I have a dinosaur impression I’m very proud of, but this guy’s dino takes the cake (pun intended). Dadasaur wants some cake

INTERESTING:

Heather Havrilesky is the rare advice columnist who admits to not being perfect. In fact, that’s kind of her whole thing. I value her advice much more because I know she’s been through it herself. This was a great recent piece on how life is often and always a mess. Mistakes Will Be Made: Today, tomorrow, and forever.

BONUS FOR PAYING SUBSCRIBERS:

Paying subscribers get access to all posts in the archive, which includes the aforementioned dinosaur impression. As always, they also get my undying gratitude (which never dies). It’s never too late to join them!

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading! Please share Bright Spots with anyone you think might enjoy it.

Writing to you from the empty basement of an Italian restaurant in Midtown,

Chris Duffy

This has been Bright Spots, a newsletter.

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…wait, who are you?

I'm Chris Duffy, a comedian, TV writer, podcast host, and both a former fifth grade teacher and a former fifth grade student.