The Search for a Destination Bathroom

On the hunt with legendary NYC journalist Anne Kadet. Plus recs for Sarah Kay's new poetry collection, Amy Greenlee's Red Flags, and Patrick Fealey on homelessness in America.

It’s a Tuesday morning in Midtown Manhattan and I’m on the hunt for a public bathroom.

Not because I feel any particular biological urges myself, but rather because I’m tagging along with journalist Anne Kadet, of CAFÉ ANNE fame, as she reports out a story on the best bathrooms in public atria in NYC.

I am a huge fan of Anne’s writing, from her viral hits like an investigation into a top-rated NYC steakhouse that somehow did not exist in the real world (a story that the NYT later picked up and had a reporter cover in the paper) to life advice from NYC chess hustlers to discovering the source of all street-cart donuts.

I’m a big believer in emailing people whose work you love and telling them that you love it. Every once in a while, that first email will turn into a correspondence and the hint of a possible friendship will start to develop.

That’s how I ended up joining Anne on her restroom-based adventure.

The look of two people who have asked multiple security guards to open locked restrooms for “research purposes.”

How did Anne end up on a restroom quest in the first place? I have no idea. You’ll have to read Anne’s report on Monday to understand the genesis. All I knew was that I was meeting one of my newsletter heroes.

Anne’s busy agenda included “inspecting bathrooms in public atriums” in a very defined geographic area:

I was too late to catch Anne at 805 Third Ave AKA “The Crystal Pavilion.” She told me the facilities were underwhelming and did not live up to the name. I joined her at 875 Third Ave, a multi-level atrium that combined the feeling of a corporate lobby with a downmarket mall. I’ve always felt like the privately owned public spaces in Manhattan are bummers, with none of the charm or community of a park. 875 was exactly in line with my preconceptions.

We weren’t there to judge the space though, we were there to judge the bathroom. Despite being a public bathroom, it required getting a security guard to unlock it for us (a situation that would repeat itself at multiple atria). Anne asked me if I had any destination bathrooms in the city and I told her that I barely understood the concept. My best case scenario for a public bathroom in NYC has always been that I survive the visit. The idea of one being worthy of a destination in and of itself couldn’t even compute in my brain.

The bathroom at 875 was nothing special. It looked clean but it did not smell clean. It did contain a mystery though! When I went in, there was one stall (occupied) and two urinals (unoccupied). But after I left the men’s room and reported back to Anne, she went into the women’s room to do her own research. In the three minutes I was waiting for her, five separate men exited the bathroom I’d just been in. Where were they coming from? Had they all been sharing the same stall? Were they spontaneously generating in there? Was there some secret midtown corporate office shortcut that involved cutting through this basement men’s room? I have no idea what was happening and couldn’t get to the bottom of it even when I got the security guard to unlock the room again so I could reexamine it. (The guard absolutely hated reopening the door and was as skeptical as I’ve ever seen an authority figure be. After I left, I saw him go back in to investigate what devious crime I had committed that required two unlockings.)

As we investigated other atria, one thing that made me laugh a lot was that Anne had a very thorough list of criteria and categories she was using to evaluate the bathrooms, so she would have hard metrics to write about. She brought her clip board with the score sheet into the bathroom with her each time. But at one atrium, where there was only one single bathroom and a line started to form behind us, Anne graciously offered the man behind us that he could relieve himself before she went in. He tried to protest, but Anne said, “I’m going to be awhile in there.” She pointed at her clipboard as though he’d understand, but the man just nodded solemnly and a little sadly and said, “I’ve been there” as he walked past us into the bathroom. A perfect interaction in my book.

While some atria were underwhelming, the bathrooms at The Hugh (601 Lexington) were the nicest I have ever seen in a public space. Mere minutes earlier, I had scoffed at the idea of a destination bathroom, but now I had one. The atrium felt like a beautiful common space on a fancy university campus. The food court was packed with trees and delicious-smelling restaurants. Anne and I agreed that it was the kind of place you could bring someone on a first date (and still see them for a second date!).

Look at this seating and lighting!

Look at these sinks!

Bathroom doors that fully close without the weird little crack where people can look in at you!

Even the wet floor signs were custom and high end!

I couldn’t have asked for a better morning or a better adventure. Now if anyone ever asks me again whether I have a destination bathroom, I will be able to give a clear yes. It’s located at 157 East 53rd Street and it’s nice enough that I would celebrate my anniversary there.

My projects and upcoming events:

TED TALK: How to find laughter anywhere - My TED talk is online and on YouTube. Please watch and share! You can find it here

LIVE IN LA: Wrong Answers Only (LabX) - Wednesday, December 11th at 7:30 p.m. at Dynasty Typewriter. Come see me, Lauren Lapkus, and Karen Chee make jokes and play games about garbage, while we interview a chemist who turns trash into treasure. Tickets for the in-person show (or the livestream, which you can watch for free from anywhere!)

LIVE IN SF: Wrong Answers Only at SF Sketchfest - Sunday, January 26th at 7:00 p.m. at the Gateway Theater. Sketchfest is my favorite comedy festival and I’m so excited we’re bringing the show back to Bay Area for it. Come see me, Samm Levine, Aparna Nancherla, and Dulcé Sloan! Tickets go on sale Sunday at this link

PODCAST: How to Be a Better Human (TED/PRX) - There’s no shortage of problems in the world, but Anne Morriss and Frances Frei believe there are even more solutions. They’ve built their careers on the argument that anything is fixable and that the solutions are almost always faster and more possible than we imagine when we get overwhelmed and do nothing. I find their work to be inspiring and a very practical antidote to cynicism and hopelessness. Listen to my conversation with Anne and Frances about how to fix everything from workplace problems to friend issues to political dysfunction here (or wherever you get podcasts).

This week’s list

GREAT:

Sarah Kay is one of the most talented writers, poets, and performers alive. I’ve had the good fortune of getting to see her perform and read her work for more than a decade and I’m always amazed at what she produces. Beautiful, thoughtful, empathetic, clever, she’s able to capture emotions and experiences in a way that no one else can. There’s a reason why audiences all over the world sell out theaters to hear her speak. Her long-awaited new collection of poems is available for pre-order now and you simply have to get yourself a copy and give another as a gift: A Little Daylight Left by Sarah Kay

FUNNY:

Amy Greenlee wrote a very funny, classic humor piece for McSweeney’s this week that I loved. They’ve got plenty of topical jokes on the site, if that’s what you’re in the mood for, but sometimes I just want classic, old-fashioned goofs. Is It a Red Flag?: Romeo and Juliet edition

Another funny Amy Greenlee piece from the archives: Your Baby is Most Certainly the Size of Some Kind of Fruit

INTERESTING:

A lot gets written about homelessness in the United States, but it’s exceedingly rare to hear the perspective and the voice of a person actually experiencing it themself. This firsthand account, by the journalist Patrick Fealey, about what his day-to-day is like as he struggles to get by while living in his car in Rhode Island, shines a light on so many of the hidden barriers that we need to address if we’re ever going to fix this crisis. “We see right through the unshowered soul living in a car by the beach, or by the Walmart, or by the side of the road. But he’s there, and he used to be somebody. He still is.” The Invisible Man

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That's it for this week. Thanks for reading! Please share Bright Spots with anyone you think might enjoy it.

Writing from inside a beautiful stall,

Chris Duffy

This has been Bright Spots, a newsletter.

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…wait, who are you?

I'm Chris Duffy, a comedian, TV writer, podcast host, and both a former fifth grade teacher and a former fifth grade student. I’m currently writing a nonfiction book about humor for Doubleday.