Winning Over the Smog Man

I spend every interaction with any stranger trying my best to get them to love me. Plus recs for Heather Havrilesky on slow mastery, Jacqueline Novak's masterpiece, and how to help food pantries.

When I got the letter in the mail notifying me that my car needed a smog check before my registration could be renewed, I was thrilled.

It’s not that I love paperwork. It’s not that I love paying for diagnostic exams on my automobile. It’s not even because I believe in air quality management or environmental protection.

No. I was thrilled because this meant I got to visit my close personal friends, Raz and Raffi, the mechanics at Elf Motors in Burbank.

Behind these hallowed gates sit a father and son team of mechanics who are so honest, helpful, and kind that I have made it my mission to get every one of my friends in LA to use their services. I’ve written before about how they helped me to go from knowing zero (0) things about cars to knowing two (2) things about cars. I first started going there because my friend Will told me that he’d brought his car in, explained that he was broke, and Raz offered him three versions of a fix for the issue:

1. Fix it the way things are supposed to be fixed

2. Fix it a cheaper, less durable, but still kind of logical way

3. Try something nuts that costs nothing

Will, of course, chose option three, and Raz gained a customer for life. I believe that story may very well be apocryphal or at least an exaggeration, but it does capture the spirit of Elf Motors. These are mechanics who are on your side and willing to work with you based on your finances and spirit of adventure. They’re also just genuinely good people.

But the real reason I love them is that Raz (and his father Raffi) are one of my greatest success stories in my lifelong quest to win over strangers and make them my friends. As John Mulaney put it better than I ever could, I am constantly running for the mayor of nothing. And you know what? At Elf Motors, I bet I have their votes.

All it took was repeatedly giving them my business, bringing them clementines from a tree in my backyard one time, referring multiple friends, chatting them up, asking about their lives and families, dropping a few random Armenian facts I have learned over the years, and being obsessively polite and friendly for 4.5 years.

So when I got the smog letter, I was DELIGHTED. I texted Raz on his personal cell. (Yes, we text.) He said business was actually slow that afternoon so I could bring the car in right away if I had time.

And you know what? I did have time. I always have time for a trip to Elf.

I got there and Raz and I chatted and shared baby pictures. His dad Raffi came over and we shook hands and he also admired the photos of the respective babies. They got started on the oil change and tire rotation I needed and had been saving for a treat. And while they worked on that, they introduced me to Fred, the smog guy, who works two doors down.

It was my first time meeting Fred so I immediately went into conversion mode. I introduced myself, shook his hand, and asked how his day was going. Fred was professional and polite. But I had not cracked him. He was definitively not won over. He made a comment about how Camrys always pass the smog test so I tried to banter with him about Toyotas. No dice. Once again, professional and polite, but he was sticking to business.

Then I noticed that each of the cinder blocks in the wall of the smog shop was individually painted and there were a variety of decorations on the walls. “I love the decor!” I told Fred. His eyes lit up behind his glasses. “You like it?”

Fred proceeded to tell me that he spends all his free time during the day (and more money than he’d care to admit) decorating the shop. Every day at lunch he rummages through the 99 cent bins at craft stores looking for treasure. “I have an addiction,” he joked. “For some people it’s alcohol or drugs. For me, it’s discount crafts.”

By the time we were done discussing his impeccable taste and incredible DIY shop decorations, my car had passed the smog test and it was time to head home. But I will be back, probably long before I need another smog check, because I want to see more of the masterpieces created by the maestro inside The Smog Stops *STAR* Certified.

And you never know when I might need those votes.

Not my car. Not my photo. Yes, my new friend Fred. Many more decorations have been added since this was taken.

My projects and upcoming events:

PODCAST: How to Be a Better Human (TED/PRX) - This week on the podcast, a conversation with the author of Infectious Generosity, Chris Anderson (who also happens to be the head of TED). We had a conversation about what it means to give, the many forms generosity can take, and how there’s still a lot of good will and kindness on the internet if you know where to look. Listen here (or wherever you get podcasts) NOTE: I’m still on parental leave, so these episodes were pre-recorded last year.

This week’s list

GREAT:

Heather Havrilesky is, in my opinion, one of the most underrated writers working today. Every week, she’s writing essays that I think about for years. Here’s one that captures perfectly what it means to find your passion (and why so many of us struggle with not being “good” at something that we’re supposedly just doing for fun anyway). “Forget divine blasts of inspiration and fantasies of specialness. A slow slog toward mastery has unmatched gifts that you won't recognize until you commit.” Passion Requires Slow Cultivation

FUNNY:

I saw Jacqueline Novak’s show Get On Your Knees live in LA a few years ago and it blew me away. It’s part philosophical manifesto, part perfectly written one-liners, part hilarious autobiographical narrative, and part societal examination. It’s all of those things but also none of them and so much more. I struggle with how to describe it and I cannot imagine how they will possibly condense the show (now on Netflix) into a marketing campaign. My guess is it’s one of those specials that’s going to be a huge hit by people just telling their friends “you have to see this.” It’s NSFW, but it’s also one of the most intellectual pieces of comedy I’ve ever seen. Get On Your Knees

(Here’s a profile of Jacqueline in The New Yorker and here’s a fun piece my friend Hallie wrote about disagreeing with her husband on whether it was genius or not. He’s wrong.)

INTERESTING:

There are so many problems in the world that are overwhelming and infuriating. For me, one of the worst parts is how little impact a single person can have. But there are other issues, often closer to home, that are also quite serious but much less complicated, and that could be solved by some sustained attention and public pressure. I work at a food pantry every Wednesday and over the past three years I’ve seen the number of clients we serve triple (and continue to rise). But there’s no reason hunger and food insecurity needs to exist in the United States (or anywhere for that matter). And the policies that would eliminate the issue are proven and known. Here’s the leader of a great org in NYC, the Westside Campaign Against Hunger, on 3 steps that would make a huge impact over the next year. I’d like to see those implemented in New York and similar measures put into place nationwide. I also really believe this is an issue where politicians are not even aware of the solutions and even a small amount of sustained pressure from constituents would lead to a huge impact. Here's how to get the state to actually work for the frontline feeding sector

BONUS FOR PAYING SUBSCRIBERS:

Paying subscribers make Bright Spots possible! Subscribers get access to special features as well as all posts in the archive. They also get my undying gratitude (which never dies). It’s never too late to join them!

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading! Please share Bright Spots with anyone you think might enjoy it.

Addicted to crafts,

Chris Duffy

This has been Bright Spots, a newsletter.

---

…wait, who are you?

I'm Chris Duffy, a comedian, TV writer, podcast host, and both a former fifth grade teacher and a former fifth grade student. I’m currently writing a nonfiction book about humor for Doubleday.