Koko the Lock Lady is disgusted by my keys

She has high standards and I do not meet them! Plus recs for Mierle Laderman Ukeles and sanitation, Jim Tews and pictures, and Roxane Gay and choice.

This week, I had several copies of keys made by a mobile locksmith. He was a nice guy, he came to our house, and helped figure out a few issues with the doors. I liked him!

We have one very old lock that was probably installed in the early 1950s. The locksmith told me that the key type isn’t made anymore and he didn’t have the materials to duplicate that one key in his truck. He took care of my other keys and then recommended I take that antique key to a specialist in Glendale, Koko’s Lock and Key.

“The lady there, she can copy any key. She’ll help you out.”

As longtime readers of Bright Spots know, I live for a little adventure with a quirky character. So as soon as I heard that there was a master locksmith with supernatural abilities and that she was possibly named Koko, I immediately cleared my calendar.

I showed up to Koko’s Lock and Key in Glendale and was delighted to see that it was the kind of shop that’s likely looked exactly the same for decades. I appreciate the convenience of the internet, but there’s something very satisfying about walking into a shop that just sells one thing (like batteries or hats or keys) and knowing that you’re going to be dealing with an expert and an obsessive.

I was, predictably, the only customer in the shop. I greeted Koko and learned that she was actually named Sona. There was no explanation about who/where Koko was. I showed Sona my antique key and she immediately identified the size and brand. She clucked her tongue, “very uncommon these days!” and then selected three possible matches off of her giant wall of keys. She gave me a lesson on key widths and the relevant parts of my key (head, shoulder, and blade… like an alternative violent dandruff shampoo). She successfully made me two copies. She seemed proud and satisfied with her work. I was impressed.

But then… I showed her my other key. The regular old standard one that the mobile locksmith had cut for me. “Actually, since I’m here, can I get a few more copies of this normal key too?”

Sona took the key out of my hand and her eyes widened in disgust. “You said the locksmith recommended me? Well, I cannot recommend him. Look at this! Look at how he cut this key!”

She proceeded to absolutely roast my house key, millimeter by millimeter.

“There’s no way to say it, but he half-assed this key. Look at this blade!”

I looked at the blade. Sona was appalled.

The thing was, I had tested this key in all my locks. It worked fine. For my purposes, this was a great key. But not for Sona.

“This is the problem with these young guys. They have no talent or appreciation for the art!”

Sona told me that she no longer does house calls because the standards for keys have fallen so low. I asked how it was possible to run a lock and key business without going to the homes of the people who are locked out. That seems to me like one of the biggest parts of the locksmith business. “That’s why I’m not rich,” Sona told me.

She also told me she could not, in good conscience, make a copy of my disgusting, subpar keys.

“I guarantee my keys and I couldn’t put a guarantee on a key like that.”

In a world where standards are constantly being lowered, it was a refreshing honor to meet someone who refuses to lower the bar.

I’ll just have to hope I never get locked out.

My projects and upcoming events:

PODCAST/VIDEO: How to Be a Better Human (TED/PRX) - Debbie Millman is an author, artist, and host of the long running show Design Matters. I am a longtime fan of Debbie’s work and it was such a pleasure to talk to her on the podcast about what it means to design a creative life and the advice she gives to her students who are just starting out. Listen to the episode here (or wherever you get podcasts).

PODCAST GUEST SPOTS:

• Chatting with the very fun and very thoughtful Simran Jeet Singh on his podcast Wisdom & Practice: What’s So Funny About Service? With Chris Duffy (You can also read some excerpts from our conversation and Simran’s newsletter about the episode here.)

• Being interviewed by Canadian public radio legend Gill Deacon for her new show A Love Affair with the Unknown: The first rule of navigating uncertainty

This week’s list

GREAT:

Mierle Laderman Ukeles is one of my artistic heroes. So much of conceptual or performance art goes over my head, but Ukeles’ work is both immediately understandable and extremely powerful. Her most famous performance piece involved meeting every single sanitation worker in NYC, shaking their hand, and looking them in the eye while saying thank you. Ukeles is an example of how art can challenge the status quo, can be revolutionary, and also be grounded in kindness and the basic dignity of all people.

Ukeles was able to use her projects to draw parallels to other social and political issues. She “compared the indignities suffered by women to those endured by sanitation workers, forced to clean up messes they didn’t make.” I loved this article about Ukeles’ work and I’m very excited to see the new documentary about her life.

FUNNY:

Jim Tews is a standup comedian and a cartoonist/animator. He combines both of his skills in his very funny and very silly new special. I love when comedians push boundaries and put something out that is uniquely them. To me, that’s the whole point of a special! Jim’s latest really does feel special. You are not seeing comedy like this 400 times a day while scrolling social media. He’s a delight. Jim Tews - With Pictures

INTERESTING:

It’s very common for writers who have kids to describe the experience of parenthood. But it’s much less common to read an in-depth essay from a writer who doesn’t have kids about the experience and reasons for that life path. Even more importantly, to hear about the necessity of having the ability to make that choice for themselves. Roxane Gay is one of America’s most celebrated writers for a reason. This is Gay at her best: lyrical, profound, reflecting on herself and our society. When the World Is on Fire, What Does Reproductive Choice Really Mean?

BONUS FOR PAYING SUBSCRIBERS:

Paying subscribers make Bright Spots possible! This newsletter will always be available for anyone to read for free, but paying subscribers let me make that happen! They also get access to special features as well the entire archive of past posts. Paying subscribers also get my undying gratitude (which never dies). It’s never too late to join them!

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading! Please share Bright Spots with anyone you think might enjoy it.

Jangling my despicable keys,

Chris Duffy

This has been Bright Spots, a newsletter.

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…wait, who are you?

I'm Chris Duffy, a comedian, TV writer, podcast host, and both a former fifth grade teacher and a former fifth grade student. I’m currently writing a nonfiction book about humor for Doubleday.