A Food Critic Who Reviews Cafeteria Food
Plus Ernesto Morales' Object Solutions, Ocean Vuong in Australian exams, and Kari Cobham on managing pain
Before I was a comedian or a TV writer, I used to teach fifth grade. And one of my most treasured possessions from my time working as a teacher is a copy of the school newspaper. Because one of my students, Gary, made a name for himself as a food critic who reviewed cafeteria food.
Here is an actual image from one of Gary’s food reviews. (He gave me permission to share.)
Everything Gary wrote was pure gold, but I’d like to give you a taste (pun fully intended) of some of my favorite food writing of all time.
Tell me that doesn’t make you want to try that pizza! It’s a dish originally from Italy! It smells like using your sister’s shampoo for reasons that are not explained and never will be!
Here’s another masterpiece about a different cafeteria meal:
There’s so much to unpack here, but the first thing I want to point out is that he interviewed another kid at his lunch table to get a quote for the article. World class journalism! Get this man a Pulitzer, stat! It’s also incredible that this was one of Gary’s favorite all-time meals despite him considering vegetarian food to be “a disgrace.” And, of course, the questions on all our minds: was that pepperoni? And if not, what was it?
But lest you think all Gary’s reviews were positive, here’s one that I am sure sent at least one cafeteria worker into an early retirement.
ZERO OUT OF FIVE STARS!
Sit down, James Beard, I will take food advice from Gary over you any day of the week.
Podcasts and Livestreams
How to Be a Better Human - In this week’s podcast episode, Dr. Jen Gunter talks about her work debunking health misinformation online (and how to find sources you can trust when it comes to your body). You can hear the episode on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Wrong Answers Only - Thursday, November 18th at 5:30 p.m. Pacific / 8:30 p.m. Eastern. Next week, comedians Karen Chee, Lisa Curry, Josh Sharp, and I are going to talk to a scientist who studies traffic. Make sure to tune in so you can have lots of facts to share when you’re stuck in Thanksgiving gridlock. Tickets are free! LINK
This week’s list
GREAT:
I love the design work that Ernesto Morales and his company Studio Malagón do. I spend a lot of time thinking about their ongoing project, Object Solutions, that’s part-parody, part-experimental art project, and all genius. They’ve created designs for everything from a dryer that prints new clothes out of lint, a magnifying spoon that allows you to inspect restaurant food before eating, and “Morning Panic Pajamas” that make sure you won’t hit snooze and oversleep because “they gradually deliver an electric shock to the body.” Here’s another one of my favorite Object Solutions: Rotisserie Patio Table
FUNNY:
Ocean Vuong’s memoir and his poems are award-winning, critically acclaimed works of literature. They’re also, apparently, very confusing if you’re an Australian teenager. An excerpt from Vuong’s work was used in a standardized exam Down Under and then the teens started messaging Vuong on social media and his responses to them are so funny. The whole thing makes me laugh so much. Here’s a writeup: HSC students have bombarded an acclaimed poet with messages after text was used in an exam (and make sure to click through to these images too.)
INTERESTING:
Kari Cobham is a writer and editor in Atlanta. She’s also one of the millions of Americans living with chronic pain. Her essay about the experience rang very true to what I’ve seen loved ones experience. “After a decade, two notebooks and two wonderful children, here’s what I have learned about dealing with chronic pain and other persistent conditions. There will be times when you’ll feel invisible. You’ll carry guilt about the things you can’t do. The pain and the exhaustion will make you want to give up. Some days you can’t make it off the couch, but there are still kids to be fed and runny noses to be wiped. But you’re not alone. There is life ahead of you, even if the system is broken.” Treating Chronic Pain Takes a Team. I Had to Build My Own.
If you’re going through something similar, another book/resource that might be helpful is The Lady’s Handbook for Her Mysterious Illness.
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That's it for this week. Thanks for reading! Please help spread the word and forward Bright Spots along to anyone you think might enjoy it.
May your meals be beany and pure,
Chris Duffy
This has been Bright Spots, a newsletter.
…wait, who are you?
I'm Chris Duffy, a comedian, TV writer, host of the How to Be a Better Human podcast, and both a former fifth grade teacher and a former fifth grade student.