7 Things I've Learned in 7 Weeks of Double Parenting
Two kids is more than one kid, that's something that a lot of people don't realize. Plus recs for Michelle Pellizzon Lipsitz being confusing, Jo Firestone apocalypse, and Joshua Rothman on kid humor
I am back!
Kind of.
I’m still navigating life as a dad to two. It turns out that having two kids is a lot more than having one kid. Who knew? It’s practically double!
I tried to have a longer parental leave but because the baby came early and there’s so much to do with my book coming out in January, I’m easing back into the waters of writing and making little jokes and responding to emails. Hence, me writing this newsletter instead of a guest poster!
Since I’ve still very much got babies on the brain, let’s start with a list of 7 Things I’ve Learned in 7 Weeks of Being a Dad (to Two Kids).
Two kids is more than one kid. We already covered this! In some ways, I think the second has been easier because it’s not nearly as surprising. I already know that it’s possible for a baby to absolutely coat my entire body in spit up. I know that it’s possible to do laundry 40x in a week. I know that I can and will get peed on. But I was not prepared for the logistical juggling that ensues when both of your kids need something at the exact same time. I had not fully comprehended that if two kids need to eat or both wake up from a nap at the exact same moment and you are just one person, it’s impossible to be in both places at once. Still figuring that one out!
It’s very satisfying to have any previous knowledge at all. When I pour the exact right amount of water into the bottle and mix it with formula one-handed, while holding the baby and not breaking a sweat? Ooooooh boy does that feel good! There are some skills that I have learned over the past two years! I am very good at cleaning pump parts. I know the difference between a sound that maybe could possibly be a burp and the sound of the actual burp you need to get out of the baby so he doesn’t projectile vomit milk onto you. I know the fastest way to get a baby and myself into a new dry clothes after he does, in fact, eject milk all over both of us.
I still know nothing. This is a lesson consistently taught to me by my older kid, because while I may have dealt with a newborn before, I’ve never dealt with a toddler. Every day I learn how much I don’t know! And then it turns out that all babies aren’t the same! So actually I don’t know everything about this particular baby either! I know nothing!
If I don’t sleep, I’m not very funny. It turns out there’s a direct relationship between how much sleep I get and how able I am to be funny. There’s also a relationship between how much sleep I get and how able I am to form a coherent thought or even sentence. Prior to having kids, I very rarely had to have someone stop and say “I’m joking” or “This is a joke.” Post kids, I frequently need clarification on what is a joke and what is reality. Are you actually ordering a thousand pairs of socks or is that a comedic exaggeration? It seems like a lot of socks but my brain isn’t getting enough fuel to figure it out.
We can’t do this alone. No jokes in this one. I have been so grateful and humbled by how friends and family have helped us out. From Mollie’s mom staying with us and waking up in the middle of the night so we could get more sleep to the friends who have brought food or stopped by to say hi, we have been supported in hundreds of ways.
If you want to be a cool dad, you need an electric bike with a toddler seat. This might just be specific to my new neighborhood in LA, but it’s very clear that I am lacking the appropriate equipment to join the cool dad’s club.
Sometimes “a meal” is going to be any random collection of food that is available. I would not have considered two big slices of butter (no bread), a partially smashed banana, and half a meatball to be a meal before children, but my toddler has opened my mind to the possibilities. My friend Grant, who has older kids, made sure to compare notes with me about what is/is not acceptable to eat off your kids’ plates. We landed on anything that is on their plate is fair game, but if it’s been soaked with mysterious liquids in the bib, it’s best to stay away. That’s where the bar is currently set for nutrition I put into my body. I needed a friend to confirm for me that I shouldn’t eat the mashed up wet leftovers out of a toddler’s food trough. I’m basically Anthony Bourdain.
That’s what I have learned (and re-learned) so far. I am sure I will look back in several weeks and think that this was completely off-base. But it’s where I’m at today!
Ok, on to the rest of this week’s email.
My projects and upcoming events:
BOOK: Humor Me: How Laughing More Can Make You Present, Creative, Connected, and Happy (Doubleday) - My book comes out on January 6th, 2026. Pre-order it now!
PODCAST: How to Be a Better Human (TED/PRX) - Lenore Skenazy makes a lot of parenting experts very angry. That’s because she argues that a lot of their books and social media posts and high pressure online quizzes are all totally unnecessary. What if the secret to raising healthy kids was to actually just get out of their way and stop micromanaging? Lenore and I had a great conversation. Her advice feels so important but also really difficult for me to actually implement! You can listen to us wherever you get podcasts OR watch the conversation (filmed on a fancy schmancy set) on YouTube here.
SIGNAL AWARDS: I am nominated for a Signal Award and currently in first place with listener voting! But this is the final week of voting and other shows are closing in fast. Please take a minute to create a free account and vote for How to Be a Better Human in the category of “Best Advice & How To podcast.” Help fulfill my dreams of finally being better than This Old House at literally anything. This link should take you directly to the Best Advice & How To category where you can vote for How to Be a Better Human, but if not just click search and search for the name of our show. Thank you in advance! This takes 2 minutes but makes a huge difference for all of us who work on the show. LINK HERE
This week’s list
GREAT:
“Most people are doing exactly the wrong thing to get others to pay attention.” That’s the argument that Michelle Pellizzon Lipsitz makes in this very fun and weird (in a good way) essay about the technological pressure many of us feel to “make sense” and have some sort of cohesive personal brand. This essay argues that we’ve got it all backwards. You want to be more memorable, more human, more interesting? Get weird, get messy, become baffling. Be More Confusing, Actually (h/t Mollie)
FUNNY:
Jo Firestone makes me laugh more than anyone else and I will recommend everything she makes forever. In fact, when my friend Ivan makes fun of this newsletter and writes a parody version of it, he always includes a recommendation for Jo Firestone because I recommend her stuff so much. TRUTH IN COMEDY! I love Jo! Here’s her newest piece for The New Yorker: Preparing for the Impending Apocalypse
INTERESTING:
As a guy who just wrote a book about the power of a sense of humor and how important it is to laugh, I’ve been doing a lot of reading and research on why we think certain things are funny. But I hadn’t gotten very deep into the science of kid humor and why they are so hilarious and strange. This is a delightful read that also introduced me to the Early Humor Survey, “a roadmap to the emergence of little-kid humor,” which I have now been eagerly tracking in my own kids. Joshua Rothman reports from the front lines of the playground: Why Are Kids So Funny?
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That’s it for this week. Thanks for reading! Please share Bright Spots with anyone you think might enjoy it.
Put down your fork and step away from the bib,
Chris Duffy
This has been Bright Spots, a newsletter.
…wait, who are you?
I’m Chris Duffy, a comedian, TV writer, podcast host, and both a former fifth grade teacher and a former fifth grade student. I’m currently writing a nonfiction book about humor for Doubleday.
Dear Chris,
I voted for you! Congrats and good luck!
Love
Myq